EXterminate the bloodlines of passion, straight from the heart. </3 [entries|friends|calendar] snitchywire [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Friday January 19th, 2007 7:36am] [ mood | crushed ] WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING. WHO AM I KIDDING. I CANT DO THIS. I CANT TAKE IT. I RATHER CRASH OUT AND DIE. I CANT. JUST CANT. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY READ (0) CMNT

[Saturday August 5th, 2006 1:30am] READ (0) CMNT

xD [Tuesday July 11th, 2006 6:37pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Tupac- better days ] hello world! im back, like finally (: READ (4) CMNT

[Saturday January 7th, 2006 1:24pm] a new year, a new start, a new world of experience, a new life. this year is definitely going to be a different one. but im viewing it with an opened mind, i hope to learn as much as i can from this new journey through life, and i really want to find the hidden me. going away, i guess is the best answer. being alone, also means i have to make new friends yet constantly remember and hold onto the great friends, the friends who have stood by me through trials and tribulations,shown me love, care and sisterhood. namely guan, sheryll and goldie. x) an awesome cell that have given me the support,love and friendships. little saints. (: (: and ofcourse i have to trust God above in all times, especially through times of emotional fragility and when everyone else seems far away. i have to keep this short cos lappie's batt is dying. and i think it'll be better to write to each of you who have directly impacted my life through these years. something with a personal touch. gee,i sound like im going to die. LOL. till the next entry, loves <3 READ (5) CMNT

[Thursday December 22nd, 2005 2:26am] ranting time. i feel that i've got so much anger and hurt in me. but now its just simmering. you've made me mad. but you don't know how much i hate you for everything you've done, don't you? hypocrite. shut up. shut up. quit portraying yourself as the victim or that dainty princess, cos it don't work anymore. i've been used by you, taken granted for. enough is enough. farewell my friend. this is where our friendship ends.

[Saturday December 17th, 2005 4:58pm] remind me,jealousy kills,big time. im not thinking about it anymore. it'll lead to something drastic. like bloody murder. oh well, i'll be gone. and im glad about it, im running away from this mess that you created for me.

[Monday December 12th, 2005 6:47pm] [ mood | :l ] so much has happened since i last updated. hmm,lets start with church camp. 30nov-4dec was the combined youth camp, which comprised of 5 diff churches. theme: the race. i think that this camp was quite life changing one, not in the major sense, but minor. there were a couple of hiccups during the camp but most importantly, i've learnt to face up to what i've been avoiding most. i'll spare details of what happened during the camp, cos i think you can find it on any blog of those who went for the camp, due to the fact that the camp left a huge impact on many young vibrant lives. me inclusive (: so, im going to run this race of life, not the rat race everyone is running. to resist, restore and rejoice. aside from camp, lets talk about disappointment. i know its ironic, because one moment im talking about resist, restore and REJOICE, and this moment im talking about disappointment. the word itself exudes elements of sadness and depression. but this is a reality that is perversely true. disappointment, something that i've experienced and come into contact with, ever so often. disappointment from those around me, friends, teachers, aunts, siblings, especially from my dad and myself. the problem is that this disappointment never leaves, it lingers.even when you try to ignore it. my dad often mentions and states his expectations, time and again, yet i let him down. the feeling of not being able to live up to his hopes, his dreams sparks off my chain of emotions. and i start to think that im actually a failure, that i'll NEVER be good enough. my dad has put in alot into my education, so much so that he only cares for my education and my future, which is actually my well-being. but instead of reaping in bountiful results, i DISAPPOINT. my mistakes, failures, inabilities,such inferiority. feelings rush in, hating myself is so evident. ever felt this way? no, maybe not. because you aren't a disappointment like i am. bother, im sinking into IT again. alrite, im stopping. BUT you see there are so many great people in the world. and you wonder where they derive their motivation, where's my motivation? the thing is i dont know. at a point of time i thought it was designing and painting shoes. but no, im getting bored of it. and i even dared to dream of going to design school as my uncle proposed, i'll be a disgrace! my lack of commitment to a certain something and my volatile emotions are a big no-no in the dog eat dog world. choices of interest and what i enjoy doing take a turn. i have to start looking for something that would grab my attention, something i can focus on to take my mind off THOSE matters, no matter how long the time. at least it will stop the contretemps within me. okay enough. mmmmmm. mmmmm. oh yeah! my cell, little saints have a list of 2006 resolutions for the cell! im so proud of us! hee (: i thank god for the many bonds formed within lil saints. and how we have grown closer through the one and a half years. woot! oh! and and! im going out for icecream with smallie! my dear mentee x) this wednesday. she's so cute and so hilarious. http://shuttler-.blogspot.com tell me if you agree! hhaha. tommorrow is Bold Truth Rally at my church, sjsm. featuring Josh McDowell. go go go! its gonna be one awesome night. till later (: loves <3 READ (3) CMNT

[Friday November 25th, 2005 2:47pm] [ mood | exhausted ] okay. so lets face it. the future scares me. i fear what it has installed for me, what lies ahead, what awaits me. i dont want to think about it. but its inevitable. where do i go from here? aside from this, tonight is the out-of-school-party in church. dont know if i want to go now. im dead beat, stayed over with lil rach, mok and izzy. we talked quite a fair bit. slept at 4am and woke up at 7. beat that. x_x READ (13) CMNT

[Wednesday November 23rd, 2005 10:15pm] [ mood | behh ] is it me or is it coincidence? oh fuck it, and lets deal with this. i hate what people think of me and say about me. im just sensitive okay? i also hate the fact we're gonna do the same damn thing. i should give up the idea eh? THOUGH you fucking snatched it from me!!!!!!! anyway, i brought my lil bro to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire!!!! but i think the boook is still better. and and and!! im such a good sister (: (: but at the same time a bitch. behh. met nanny and guan for a while at mos for like 5 mins,we're still deciding where to go and what to do. the future sounds exciting and intimidating at the same time, i dont know if im ready to handle it. oh my, i ought to tone down my use of expletives. and exclaimation marks!!!!! but it cant be helped to day. you pissed me off.

[Tuesday November 22nd, 2005 5:28pm] im getting tired by the day. i feel my life has been uprooted by a tornado, tossed and thrown about in the air, finally it comes crashing down to the ground.

[Sunday November 20th, 2005 7:02pm] [ mood | ): ] O LEVELS ARE OVER!! yay! but then again i greet this situation with placid yet mixed feelings. i hate it when i dont know how i should feel. this is the end of my sec life. its quite DEPRESSING DIRE DAMPENING ): ): i dont even know how to describe it. i want to remain this age. i dont want to move on. and you know, its quite disappointing to know your true personality. well, because it sucks? i'll stay far away from now on. and happy as i am, not having to worry about mugging some more, reality has yet to sink in. i find it weird, not studying anymore. i've spent the past few days with guan jie, yan and lil saints. it was fun. but now that im back home, i feel all my inadequacies rushing in, flooding my brain. i hate this fucking feeling. cos i want to sink and dwell in pathetic misery. forget everything else and just die away. bloody emo shit. have you also ever experienced the feeling when you're unappreciated, even when you're genuinely trying to do something for that someone? YET you feel that person doesnt care how you feel or understand how hard you're trying? that feels fucking shitty too. have you ever felt useless, because when you look all around you, there's always someone BETTER. have you ever felt stupid, because you thought silly thoughts and said silly things. and when reality strikes, you realise how fucking retarded you have been. to put yourself in such a position thats causes you to risk your pride, your sense of security. i dont know. i really dont. im tired. i want to hide away in a little corner where no one can find me. feck. i guess i'll wait and watch, as my world crashes around me. but then again, tommorrow may be a better day. READ (2) CMNT

[Sunday November 6th, 2005 3:57pm] [ mood | guilty? not. ] exchanged glances with a beautiful stranger. TODAY IS SUNDAY. went for service but not cell. BECAUSE,,,, TOMMORROW IS THE BEGINNING OF THE O'S. im accepting this reality with mixed feelings. i can't wait to get it over with, but im so bloody scared of the end results. sends shivers down everybody's spine. not only does the O's determine your future, it shows whether you a good student or a FAILURE. ): well, im not supposed to be using the comp, but under the disguise of going on to http://www.heymath.net/heymath to check out how to do TRANSFORMATIONS, im here, blogging. oh, don't i feel guilty? :p

[Tuesday September 20th, 2005 7:54pm] [ mood | hmmm ] today marks the first day of revision cycle we're having. bleahh, and we've got three papers back today too. just looking at the papers is so bloody discouraging. i dont know how im going to tell my parents my results, my dad is gonna faint, and probably never talk to me for the longest time. sigh ): i cant go JC for first three months, my future looks dim, grim, whatever. i was telling goldie i would consider working at the ice cream place, daily scoop, near my place. haha, something to look forward somewhat? i dont know. i'm to tired AGAIN. this always happens when i know im supposed to study and start work, so my body automatically shuts down, even before i begin. therefore, i've taken to sleeping in class AGAIN!! oh no, and its not even vigrous work, its jus going through the papers. ): anyway, i was walking down the slope from school with bern and goldie was on the opposite side of the road. we were talking/yelling across the 4-lane road when i realised bern had bird POOP on the side of her head and one lump on the left side of her blouse. and the shit was BROWN-RED-ORANGE MUSHY STUFF. yuck, imagine that kind of poop on your hair, face and blouse. ewww. BERNICE, YOU STRIKE JACK-POT! HAHA. but being me, i helped her wiped up some of the STUFF off her face and off her blouse with tissue, in the midst of trying to stop laughing and rolling down the slope in amusement at bern's luck. my tummy hurts from laughing so hard still. goldie walked across the road to inspect bern's fate. she said that the bird must be having its PERIOD since it was so ORANGEY-RED-BROWN. i wont be surprised. HAHA. and poor bernice was half laughing and half shocked trying to get the remnants of the POOP out of her hair, to no avail, i'd say. she says she's gonna wash her hair 10 times. no use la bern. :p tmrw, we're gonna see if she really strikes jack pot with her lit marks (: but then again, it may just be a fruit/seed that dropped on her. BUT it was MUSHY and LUMPY and SMELLY. hmmm, what do you think? READ (2) CMNT

[Wednesday September 7th, 2005 9:21pm] [ mood | smokin' ] [ music | los lonely boys-heaven ] TODAY, had a pretty chill time at goldie's place with jie and nanny. it was jus hanging out abit, you know have a lil fun and talk some. catch up here and there. we walked to jelita for lunch/tea then took a bus back to goldie's place. goldie and char went tanning by the pool in their HOT bikinis. haha. sheryll and i stayed in the house attempting to finish the 6 dvds we borrowed. lol. why we didnt go down to the pool was cos i got my bloody period. and sheryll's was finishing. tough luck. i hate periods. these are the moments that i wish i was a guy. but bahh. :x there are times i wish i could be a better daughter, friend, sister. but i find it so hard sometimes. yeah, maybe cos i can be a self-centred bitch.. i know it. and i hate it. im imrpoving though (: but im glad those around me have been patient and tolerant. especially charissa, goldie and sheryll. x) the sweetest and bestest girlfriends anyone could have <3 they are loves. three of whom i look up to, depend on, turn to when i need help, learn from, the ones i feel most comfortable around, and spill my guts out to, these three who see me as a kid at times, almost all the time. but hey! im gonna be sixteen! in 3 months time. you just wait! haha. love you babes muchies <3 <3 READ (6) CMNT

[Tuesday September 6th, 2005 10:13pm] [ mood | pissed off ] misconceptions always occur if important tiny details are left out (:

[Friday September 2nd, 2005 4:32pm] [ mood | jump over that moon ] wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! x) haha, today is the LAST prelim paper! a humongous relief! it seems i've been waiting for this day for ages. but as much as it is to believe, its finally OVER. not entirely though, the O levels still await this november. but for now, im gonna make the best BEST out of the september hols. i've got things lined up. right from tomorrow! how fantastic (: and i better start on that person's shoes. i've been bugged enough :p just note, when im not in the mood, i dont like being forced. consequences are too ghastly to even conceive. haha, your poor shoes are afterall in my hands. READ (4) CMNT

[Thursday August 4th, 2005 4:20pm] to give in or give up? i hate making decisions. cos you never know what the circumstances turn out to be. but when you realise it, its too late. and you think 'what a bloody idiot i have been, why didnt i do that instead?' know what i mean? anyway, i've made a new commmitment to live my life afresh. not only taking charge of my long forgotten studies and getting my butt down to study. im gonna be a better person, not by my strength, cos im surrending everything to Him up above. so its time to say goodbye to the bad, bitchy me (some of it) and get on with working on the new me. that also means no more kramms and dexters or cartoons or animals, whatever. and voila, a new change (: okay, prelims are in exactly a week's time and i'll be gone for sometime. i've got to face up to what is going to determine my future where i go, what i become. so long, till we meet again. READ (3) CMNT

[Thursday July 28th, 2005 3:19pm] [ mood | gulps ] okay, i have decided that.. the TYS is gonna be my new best friend. whether its for chem, physics, geog, a math, e math or whatever else. so i shall have to start physco-ing myself. haha. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. the tys is my bestfriend. that should do. prelims in 2 weeks time. dieee. ): READ (4) CMNT

[Wednesday July 20th, 2005 6:56pm] [ mood | )': ] i've been crying tears of frustration and anger. i jus want to cry my life away. my entries are getting short, but definitely not sweet. aside from this, im stucked on to potter and half blood prince. which has led me to neglect my work. my bad.

[Thursday July 14th, 2005 6:52pm] [ mood | morose ] im starting to feel the overwhelming sense of disappointment. again.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]